Jonah Hex (2010): Stream Online For Free
As the ending credit’s began to roll, “Wow, that was awful!” were the first words I heard being uttered behind me. I will admit that I held out hope for this movie. Admist all the negative press, and setbacks it was receiving, I thought that given all the crew involved, it would surface as at least an entertaining movie. I strongly suggest that you view this film only if you have seen everything else in theaters, and need to kill slightly more than an hour.
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The civil war between the North & South confederacy has come to an end. During the war, Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin)had fought for the south under the command of General Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich). Hex was then branded as a traitor by his men for helping to stop Turnbull from destroying a hospital in Northern territory. We then see Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin) tied to a cross, while he watches his family being burned alive inside their home by Turnbull. We learn that Turnbull killed Hex’s family, because Hex murdered Turnbull’s son earlier in the war. After being marked with a branding iron, and left for dead tied to the cross. Hex was eventually rescued by a tribe of Indians, who tended to his wounds, but as Hex claims “He was never quite able to be cured”. Thus leaving him with an un-natural ability to communicate with the dead.
Basically the whole plot revolves around Turnbull acquiring an “Ultimate Weapon” that he plans to use to destroy the government, during the centennial celebration of the United States, thus regaining the former glory of the South once more. The weapon was apparently created by Eli Whitney, who as it turns out, can invent far more dangerous things than the cotton gin. It is never quite explained how the weapon works, which was abit annoying. The government learns that Jonah Hex had previously stopped Turnbull & his men in the previous attempt to destroy the hospital during the war, and they enlist Hex to help stop him once again. The film suffers from taking what could have been very interesting, and plot developing scene’s (Turnbull’s supposed death in a hotel fire, how exactly Hex stopped Turnbull during the war) and merely turns it into dialog to help cut down on the run time (less than 80 minutes). Whether it be strange out-of-body dream sequences, or terrible one-liners, I couldn’t wait for the movie to end. It spends too much time trying to establish drama, and suspense, but there is nothing that makes you feel anything for any of the characters.
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Brolin is probably one of the best fits for the lad of Hex, but it seems like he, as well as Malkovich merely gave as much effort as their paychecks allowed them. The one I feel sorry for her is Megan Fox. I’m sure at the time she was hoping this would be a sure fire hit for her, but after splitting/being fired from Transformers, it will be interesting to see where she ends up. She has about four scenes in the film, but she hardly speaks, she is literally eye candy for horny teenagers. The other very strange casting choice was Will Arnett, who is most famous for playing Gob in “Arrested Development”. Arnett plays his role as an army commander straight forward, but the entire time, I kept waiting for some kind of comic relief.
Opening next to Toy Story 3 this weekend, which has a rating of 100% on RottenTomatoes.com, as well as a 9.4/10 on IMDb with over a thousand votes, I think Jonah Hex will quickly forgotten, but not by WB’s exec’s which will take a hit when this one flops.
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